Emotional Eating

It must have been some kind of divine intervention that this week we discussed emotional eating at Weight Watchers. Last night, Tom and I had a big fight. Like most our fights it ended with Tom just walking off. We were at a friend's house for dinner and just as he stormed away, it was time to eat. He returned a bit later, but I was so upset I didn't even acknowledge his return. We sat to eat and all I could think about was having a huge helping of dinner. I thought back to my meeting and knew that this was obviously emotional hunger and tried as hard as possible to overcome it. I think I did a good job, I took a small portion of the main dish and had a large salad with it. I did however treat myself to a piece of garlic bread, but I am just associating that with flex points for the week and shaking it off.

I think I did a good job. I hope I don't pay for it on the scale.

It is very frustrating when we fight. We don't fight like a normal couple. We make a tiny issue into a huge event and it ALWAYS ends with Tom calling me horrible names and storming off. What upsets me is that we still, after 9 years of marriage, fight in front of the children. Not out rightly in front of them, but they know what's happening. I wish I had more self control and I could take that time to collect my thoughts and speak with him at a more appropriate time, but I am really bad at that. A goal for another week perhaps? Absolutely.

I always hear people say that you should lose weight for yourself. That if you are doing for someone else you are bound to fail. I believe this, but I still know that I am doing this almost entirely for Tom. I know he isn't physically attracted to me and I want him so much to be. I want the intimacy that married couples share and I know if I lose the weight he will be more attracted to me. With that said, I know more why people say that you are bound to fail if you are doing this for someone else. When we fought, it took everything I had to stop myself from throwing it all away and saying it wasn't worth it.

So, now I have to start thinking of this as a journey for myself. Of course he and my children will benefit from my weight loss but I have to make my motivation more myself. I don't know how yet to do that, but I will get there.

Today was better. I made a new recipe for dinner from a WW slow cooker cookbook that I picked up. It was wonderful! At church I prayed that God will give me the strength to see this through. To be a good wife to my husband and mother to my children - to make myself into the good, healthy person that God wants me to be.

It is now occurring to me just how long this journey is going to be...and I'm in it for the long haul.